Shades of being chapter 4 on Love

Recommended by a science fiction voyager, I had the chance to watch the movie titled “Coherence” (2013). A low budget highly intelligent content and execution which deserves a couple of hours of our time. To be frank, I could not get grip on the science angle the movie uses to execute its story. But the human emotions it touches make us think another dimension of love. The movie indirectly questions the concept of love: “whether we love the object as we perceive or the person as s(he) is?

We, humans but curious, generally are fond of the matters which make us comfortable and ‘isms’ behind the heavenly imaginations. Apart from those curiosities, the need of emotions coming out of ‘wanting to be accepted’ or ‘wanting to be right’ lead us to seek the “Love”. To me, love became an archived boring institution strengthened by a relentless number of stories from books, movies and our pessimistic views about humans. The concepts of eternal love or divine love are clandestinely used to create exclusivity. That leads into other institutions like marriage, rape (rape is an institution of male dominance) and ultimately patriarchy.

If you love a person that means some attributes of them made you feel that way. That attributes are your judgments like “s(He) is talk active” or “s(He) is beautiful”. These perceptions are coming out of your limited acquaintance with that person. Actually, you do not like that “person” but his/her attributes. Attributes, attitude or behaviour is temporary phenomena. These attributes can change by the time, place or context. Also our preferences and likes changes related to spatial and temporal dimensions. Thus divorces and breakups are obviously desirable and natural outcome we should expect. 

The “made for each other” or “perpetual relationships” are just societal convenience. To be in order (and to be disciplined) we made institutions of a “perpetual relationship” in the name of marriages. No human being can keep the same attributes which liked by them perpetually. We just adjust to norms and adventurously (unfortunately) made promises. This is not a love what we proclaim to be acquired. 
Thus it is natural to seek different relationships in different stages of life with considerable freedom from toxic emotions. Love is eternal but not a person we seek to love. Love is lovable until both enjoy the company of each other. They cannot be forced to be in love because they agreed to some terms out of some furious moments. Making love is an experience to feel and realise that we are human ‘being’. It has to be a flow, not abound. Love should be strengthened by love itself. 

And there are exceptions. In an extraordinary context, some may find perpetual interest in each other. But exceptions cannot be a norm. Relationships have to be a fluid one, cannot be a contract like marriages. If the love is divine as we claim, it has to be perpetual without an agreement or contract.
In the Indian context, we have a more sophisticated social structure than most of the societies. Once, my student emphatically asked me “What about dissertation cases and abandonment of wife and children by their fathers?”. It is the problem of the structure of society which made women dependent on men. That structure deprived their rights to be free. Here the issue is not ‘being as we are’ but the structure of society. We do not have to embrace a structure to constrain a most beautiful nature of human – “being in love”. 

Being in love can be felt differently. It is a mix of physical needs, emotional safety, togetherness or companionship. It cannot be restricted into a cinematic view of love - exclusivity. We may find different shades of love from different persons according to our taste and needs. Also, it cannot be fair if we restrict love into societal norms – like a contract. Love is a need. And Love has to be felt (or fulfilled) as it is. 

We need a platform to realise the true nature of love. It can be almost impossible to feel the love as it is in this present world. The required platform is impaired by the norms and restrictions. Thus we required to strive for building a platform where human nature is original. 

Some of you may say that it is an idealistic view. I wonder why a possible and original stance is regarded as idealistic which come with a tag of impossibility. If a human can imagine something with a rational mind, he can also realise that. Let’s have some dreams. Let’s try. Be in love.


Celebrate your uniqueness, be yourself.
(Thoughts are personal. Let’s celebrate the differences. And Thoughts are colourful)


With thoughts,
ShanahOM

Note: ShanaOM is the name used by the author and s(he) doesn't want to publish the original name, privacy!

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Comments

Unknown said…
great one !!! looking forward for your next blog !!
June 14, 2020 at 10:03 PM
Mahendiran said…
seasons' and love' has their time to bloom & wither!
Good work author.
June 14, 2020 at 10:04 PM
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